The kids are tucked in and the house is quiet. I love this time of night. I used to hate the sound of silence. At times, I guess I still do. But at the end of the day, when I know my family is safe and healthy and tucked comfortably into warm beds, I love the silence.
I do some of my best (and worst) thinking when it's silent like this. I think about all I have to be grateful for. I count my blessings, look back at accomplishments both big and small, and dream about the future. I also can find myself looking at others and like a previous entry described I can find myself wishing to be what I am not or have something I don't.
Tonight, I guess I am doing a bit of both. With a "big" birthday not far away, I have been looking back at who I was and contemplating who I am now. I have been thinking about dreams and directions and goals for the future.
I am a "people pleaser". One of those types who always wants others approval and wants others to like her. I always have been. But here's what I have learned and how I am growing and changing. I am starting to see myself more as my Creator, my husband & children, and my friends and family see me and less and less of how I used to see myself. I am learning I am not alone in my moments of insecurity and self doubt - that we all have those moments. Each day I grow stronger in the knowledge that all that I am - good bad and everything in between is special and wonderful and loved. Each mistake and weakness, each trial or achievement, each talent or emotion makes up who I am and it's all OK. God has a plan for me, mistakes and insecurities and flaws and all. He knows what the plan is even when I don't and He's not going to let that plan go unfinished.
I look back and I see how far I have come on this journey God's taking me on. I hope and dream about I future I can't see and know He's in control. But most of all I know that as long as I stay on the road He has set before me, I will continue to learn and grow and become the woman He's always meant for me to be.
I think that is what the poet meant when he spoke of the road less taken. Finding ourselves each day and where we fit into our world is an ongoing journey, a journey no other can take but us. You are an inspiration to me and to others, I am sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rebecca. I am not a writer like you, but I think I can see why you enjoy it. I think this blogging "thing" might be fun. It's therapeutic anyway :-) As long as people reading don't kind my run on sentences and typos I might keep doing it. Who knows I might keep doing it even if no one reads it because it is so therapeutic.
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