Empty Nest

There is a quote, author is unclear (several have been given credit), that says "There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other wings." Similar quote is "Good parents give their children roots and wings: roots to know where home is, and wings to fly off and practice what has been taught them."

These quotes I have often referred to over the years, when parenting has been hard, when the relationships between parent and child have been tested. I also have always viewed "our" children as gifts on loan to us, not actually "ours" but belonging to something bigger, a heavenly creator who took an egg and a sperm and created these unique and wonderful people. 

Each step our children take towards independence is a source of pride. First words, first steps, feeding themselves and potty training, each achievement, a source of pride. Then the "no's" and "why's", and tempter tantrums, years of testing boundaries and even rebellion, all part of them becoming independent adults. We rejoice when they succeed. We ache when they are sick or hurting. The journey of parenting is filled with joys, heartaches, worries and more. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that the journey to "empty nest" is just as emotional? I always knew my role as their primary provider, protector, teacher and counselor would end (or at least evolve into something else). Still nothing has prepared me for the emotions that I have been experiencing and my children begin "leaving the nest". 

Some days I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. With the help of our family, friends and community, Steve and I managed to raise 3 individuals who are pursuing their dreams, building on their gifts and talents and who are people I am proud to know. Some days, I feel a sense of loss and sadness. These same individuals who once needed me for practically everything, now take care of themselves. Our home which was once so busy and noisy is now often deafeningly silent. 

The days that are hardest though are the days when I am excited about "the next chapter". Steve and I have spent 24 years as parents. During that time, it's sometimes been hard to focus on our relationship. Being "mom and dad" often outweighed being "husband and wife". We have had to work HARD on our relationship and marriage. Now with fewer demands as "mom and dad" I am excited to see what is next for us as "husband and wife". The excitement and happy anticipation then makes me feel guilty that I am not feeling sadder. 

For us, all of this is happening with a global pandemic taking place. Fear and uncertainty, isolation, and worry magnifies every emotion. Each day brings new changes and challenges for us and everyone we love, our community and our world. If I am honest, there have been days it feels overwhelming. Still, this is the world we live in. The world I am sending them off to "fly" in and we have to cope with it the best we can.

My "nest" isn't empty yet.

It probably won't be for a long time, not really, as the girls will come home from college or while they are between jobs (or if we go into another "stay at home" phase where things shut down due to this pandemic virus). The empty nest is a destination and the journey is an emotional one. Whether the emotion of the day is a joyful one or a difficult one, I am trying to embrace each emotion, each day, each experience and learn from it. I remind myself that each emotion is OK and normal and try to let myself feel it fully. 

Whether you are reading this dreaming of starting a family, raising one or watching your children on their own journeys, I am sending you a virtual hug and saying a prayer. I pray for you the same things I often pray for myself. I pray for wisdom, strength, courage and patience to face whatever the day brings. I also pray that you have loved ones and support system to help you through every emotion your day brings. I am grateful for mine (and I hope they know that).