Friends

Recently, my husband and I were sitting with a group of people talking about the value of friends and how important having strong friendships was. Since then, I have been thinking. What defines a friend or a friendship? Were any of those people discussing the value of friendship my friends? Do I have the kind of friendship(s) we were talking about.
Like most people (I hope), I am married to my best friend. I also have 2 sisters who are more than sisters - they are friends. But outside of family, what defines a friend or a friendship and makes a friend different from an aquaintance? Is it what you do or don't do together? Is it what you share or have shared in the past? Is it common interests? Is it fulfilling a common need? Is it how often you see each other or talk? Does today's instant long distance communication (emails, cell phones social networks) change what friendship is?
Making friends has never been easy for me. I often walk away from meeting someone or even spending a day/evening with someone thinking to myself "I screwed that up. They don't like me". I am not sure why and it drives my husband (and family) crazy, but it's true. As a result, I can walk into a room full of people I have known for weeks, months or even years, and not know who is my friend.
But I do have friends. Some people I call friends are friends from my childhood. These friendships started back when friendship was defined by "She's my friend because she liked the picture I colored" or "because she talked to me at the picnic". They started out simple, innocent and trusting and they grew as we grew. Now decades later I can still chat with these friends on FB or in person as if not a day has gone by. but we don't see each other more than once or twice a decade sometimes. What about people who share a common interest or role? These are the other moms or dads who we chat with at school functions, kids activities, serving in the same program at church and so on. These relationships are not be as "deep" as others so are these friends or acquaintances? Then there are the relationships in between. Some are friends who you see regularly, we talk, share and have things in common who would probably be there if you needed them but we don't socialize. There are also "friends" who I socialize with but I know when the chips are down - they won't be around.
But which of these types of friendships and relationships is the type of friendship we were discussing that evening a while back? We were discussing friendships where you share common beliefs and values, common experiences, common interests, bring out the best in one another, help one another to grow. You are there for one another AND have fun together. The kind of friendships that take time and investment to grow and flourish. I think if I am honest I often find myself looking for these deep friendships instantly - without putting in the time to build them. However, now at 40 something, I also see the importance of have all kinds of friends - friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime.  I am blessed to have my friends. Friends who it's taken me decades to get to know and to let them get to know me and a few new friends who I am just starting to know. Thank you to all my friends <3

2013 - What's New
I usually wake up each morning grateful for a new day and a new beginning but recently I am even more thankful for every day I have. I try not to take the opportunity each new day is for granted. As I sit here recent events are fresh in my mind, but when I look back at this entry 10 years or perhaps even 10 days from now time will have blurred my memory. Shootings at a elementary school and at a neighborhood house fire are among the events that remind me not to take a moment for granted. But other events as well that don't make the news also remind me that each day is a gift not to be taken lightly. Little things like friends looking at colleges with their children or planning to send a child on a missions trip. Big things like a friend's waiting to hear from the Dr whether the lump is cancer or not. Everyday something reminds me how each moment is a gift.
This year I am trying to stay focused on the gifts and blessings of each day. I am going to try and make the most of the opportunities I have to take care of myself, my family and my community. I am going to focus on "the silver lining" of every storm cloud.
I started 2013 by signing up to be an "Iron Girl". This summer I will bike, run and swim in an Iron Girl Triathilon with perphaps 20 (plus or minus) other women I am blessed enough to call friend. I am grateful that I can even consider doing this after knee and back injuries. I am grateful that my family is not only encouraging me to do this but they are also going to be training along side of me. All of us getting healthier as a way of not taking anything for granted!
Our pastor at church recently preached on finishing the race strong. None of us knows when we will reach our finish line. We just need to be grateful we are still in the race and run each day like the finish is just around the corner. Sometimes it's painful. Our bodies ache and we are tired and we feel like we can't breathe. But we push forward. I truly believe that God is with us always. He's there handing us the water we need to go on and cheering us forward through the pain if we just accept him and his help.
So this day, this year and I pray for the remainder of my days I will finish strong and not take a minute of the "race" for granted.

On a Soap Box

Normally, I keep my political views to myself as no one out there seems to see things the way on do. However, this year, lately I have noticed "everyone" out there sharing their views and opinions, with or without facts about our leaders, policies and country. More and more I am seeing a country divided. Left and right, conservative and liberal, rich and poor. It's breaking my heart.
I love this county and I count being born here and living here as a blessing. So, I am going to get on a soap box and share my thoughts and opinions on some of today's "BIG" issues. You will see they are neither Republican nor Democrat, conservative nor liberal, left nor right. I am probably about as "middle" as they come.
I will start with the one that has made the news most recently - abortion (usually lumped together with women's rights.). Personally, I do believe that life begins at conception and I would encourage any woman I know to choose not to abort a pregnancy. However, I don't think - in fact I know- abortions won't stop if we make them illegal. Want to stop abortions? I think all the millions of dollars spent on lobbyists, PR campaigns and so on should go into programs support families and adoption. Teach men how to be involved, plugged in dads (and husbands) and their daughters won't be seeking "love" from other men (studies have shown over and over again girls are more likely to get sexually involved if they don't have good relationships with their dads) and their sons will learn how to be respectful, responsible men (instead of dead beat dads). Support families so parents don't have to work 2,3 (or more) jobs just to make ends meet and they can actually spend time with their children. Make adoption a real choice - affordable for loving families and a real option for those faced with an unplanned pregnancy.
Social Security and I will add Welfare and Health Care here. I believe we all have the responsibility to care for our fellow man. The elderly, the disabled, the sick, the poor, the broken, the forgotten, our veterans and your average person whose had a run of bad luck - every man, woman and child who needs our help should have access to it. The problem is we don't help. We expect charities and churches to do it and then we don't give to them or volunteer. We expect the government to do it but we don't want to be taxed to pay for it. We expect businesses to treat their employees fairly, pay them well and take care of them, but they don't because profit margins are the bottom line. The rich get richer, the poor (and middle class) get poorer. I think in general most people agree on these points. So what do I think we should do about it?? Honestly, I am not sure. I think we need more businesses to adapt a Quaker model of doing business like the Cadbury Family who started Cadbury chocolates. Look them up - taking care of their employees and their families was just as important if not more so than profits. (you can read a bit about them here http://www.quakerinfo.com/quak_cad.shtml ) I think we all could do more through our churches, charities and tax dollars.
Marriage - another hot topic. Here's my stand on that. IF marriage is a religious institution, defined by God or Scriptures AND IF we in USA have separation of church and state, THEN how can we legislate who can or can't get married at all? In fact, if these assumptions are true, shouldn't government stay out of ALL marriages? If there is a need to see who is "legally" or "contractually bound" to one another then lets call all legal unions something like that. [That being said, I do believe we need to protect the rights of children and protect them from being forced into any relationship (religious or not).]
I could go on about schools and education, religious freedoms, free speech and many other issues that make the news and a chatted about on the social networks, but I think I have been on this soap box for long enough. I recently took a quiz to see which politician in the upcoming elections I agree most with. The results didn't surprise me - none of them. I agreed with 4 of them on about 60% of the issues. I have to believe there are others like me. Others who are not left or right, Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal have got to be out there. Someday maybe one of US will make it to office (but I am not holding my breath)

She's Mean!

"She's mean", I heard a child exclaim about an adult recently. It's wasn't the first time I had heard this about this person who I am very close to. The adult in question was "mean" because she enforces rules (and laws) for safety and and demands a level of respectfulness towards others. The children who I have heard make this comment over the years often tested these rules/laws to see if they could bend them or perhaps get away with breaking them.
So I started thinking. Do these children realize how blessed they are that someone cares enough to be "mean" to them. Someone who cares enough not to worry if they are "liked" and who will call them out on their actions when they are being disrespectful or unsafe potentially hurting themselves or others? How many parents today want to be liked by their kids and want to be their child's friend so they don't say no or hold their child(ren) accountable for their choices and actions? What does THAT teach them?
I hope my children have LOTS of men and women who are "mean" to them in this fashion. Adults who will care enough to tell them to "knock it off" and show them they can do or be better. If they are being disrespectful, inconsiderate or unsafe and I don't see it, I hope there is someone there who does see it and calls them out on it. If they are headed down a wrong path, I pray God places someone in their lives who help them get back on the right path, even if they don't like it.
I know sometimes I will be that mean person in my children's lives, but I hope there are others when I can't be there. I plan on being this kind of mean person for other people's children. Someday your child may come to you and tell you "Mrs. R is sooo mean". Ask them why. When they tell you, I hope the answer will be a child's form of because she made/makes me do the right thing (and the wrong thing was/is more fun or easier). Maybe you will be able and smile and tell them "that's because she cares about you and wants you to make good choices".  And maybe, just maybe, when you hear "she's mean" you will feel blessed that others are out there who care about more your child than they care about if they "liked". 

I'm Back

It's summer again. A full year since I last posted anything. Not exactly what I had intended when I started this "blogging adventure". A lot has changed since my last entry. This year my 3 children were in 3 schools, elementary, middle and jr. high. I was in preschool, starting a new adventure as a (paid) teacher. Our family took on new roles in programs at work, school and church. In addition, we adopted a second dog, made more renovations and repairs to our home and got busy to the point that we all got stressed out (or at least mommy got stressed out which stressed everyone else out). It's been a learning year for us all.
Somethings haven't changed at all though I am very proud to say. This year we will celebrate 16 years of marriage (19 years since we met and started dating). We have had our share of trials and tough times but as a couple and as a family we continue to grow stronger and learn more about how to work and play together. Watching our girls learn and grow and become beautiful, loving, smart young women is a continual source of joy for us.

Every day God reminds me He is good and faithful, even on or maybe especially on the days I start doubting and loosing faith. Whether it is a cooling rain that paints a rainbow in the sky on a hot day, or a kind unexpected word of support and encouragement from an unexpected source or the right song at the right time on the radio, everyday I feel God letting me know when I am on the right path and when I get off track.
My hope for this blog this summer and in the future is that I can share some of our adventures as individuals, a couple and as a family. Through those adventures I hope you (whoever might read this) can share in our joys and triumphs. Maybe I can inspire you or give you hope. and maybe I can show you what I see God doing in my life and in the lives of those around me.

Summer thoughts - freedom

Summer - for most of us the word triggers memories of watermelon and ice cream, trips to the park and beach, swimming in a pool and family vacations. Sometimes the word triggers other memories too - summer romances and heartbreaks, family reunions and family conflicts, or perhaps just a longing to go back to "the good 'ol days". My next few entries are going to be about summer memories.
Have you ever compared your childhood to your children's? I have been doing that this summer. Often Steve and I will talk with other adults about the freedom we had as children. Take for example riding our bikes. We would ride our bikes everywhere, miles away from home, along busy streets. Today, I have a hard time letting my daughter go 1 mile from home. When they do go out on their bikes, I make them call when they arrive to their destination - timing it from when they left. (and if it takes longer then it should, I have my car keys ready to go find them)
Is it because I don't trust my girls? Absolutely not!! I trust them; I don't trust the world around them.  My girls are getting to an age where I have to start letting them spread their wings more. I need to trust that Steve and I have taught them well and that they will be safe "out there", but I hear the stories on the news about children grabbed from the street walking or riding home from a friends house. They make it hard for me to let my children experience the freedom I had as a child. I wonder sometimes if I am sheltering them or perhaps smothering them with my protectiveness.
At the same time, I look around (again comparing my youth to today's) and kids seem to be growing up faster. Ten year old girls with boyfriends. Kids with no rules or too much freedom, who act out looking for someone to set some boundaries. Boundaries that give the child some sense of security and show them someone cares what happens to me. I know that too much freedom for a child is unhealthy too.
What does a parent do? The best they can. Steve and I look to our family and friends and our faith to help us decide how much freedom to allow our children. This year, our oldest got a cell phone and a Facebook account, but she got them with guidelines and restrictions. Some freedom, but not too much - I hope.
I talk with my girls about their summer memories (so far) and I don't think they feel they are smothered or lacking in any freedom. Their memories are very similar to mine. Swimming at pools and beaches, camping trips and summer camp, occasional trips out for ice cream or to the ice cream truck, trips to grandparents and hanging around the neighborhood with friends. So far, I think they are OK with the amount of freedom they have. And when they need more, maybe I will be ready for it!

Heaven and the Meaning of Life

I know. Pretty deep title for this early in the morning, huh? I guess I am feeling pretty "deep" today.
This past weekend, we went camping in a beautiful area of New York. We hiked gorgeous ravines and along some beautiful waterfalls. We watched deer, squirrels, chipmunks and even bugs and snakes. We sat by a campfire and watched the stars. <sigh> For me, it was like heaven on Earth.
I was also reading a book about heaven. Maybe you've read it? "Five People you'll Meet in Heaven"? I loved it; couldn't put it down. What an interesting way to look at what heaven could be like.
If you haven't read it, the book is about the life and death of a man who felt his life had no purpose or meaning. When he arrives in heaven 5 people (1 at a time) greet him and help him to understand that his life DID have purpose and meaning.
I think, I loved this story because it supports a belief I have always had. EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I don't believe in coincidence. Everything good and bad has a reason for happening, even when we don't see or understand the reasons. We may never understand this side of heaven why somethings happen. But if heaven is like this story depicts, someday we will have a wonderful understand and peace about everything that happened in our life, good and bad.
When we are going through tough times, losses, illnesses or pain, we can find it hard to remember that there might be a reason or purpose for the trials and losses we are facing. We can forget that there are people and a God who love us. We can lose sight of the good that is in our life and focus only on the negative. I know. I have been there. I have lost friends and I don't understand why. I have faced pains and hardships that I didn't see the point of. My trials might be small compared to others, but I do remember dark times where hope & meaning was hard to find. I can remember, vividly, my thoughts and my heart screaming out "WHY!!!!????"
This story give me hope. Yes, I know it's fiction. Even so, it renewed my belief and my hope that one day I will have all the answers I need. I will know "why?" and I will understand the purpose and the meaning of life. So as I sit here, drinking my coffee and facing my "routine" and "unexciting" life, I am content. I don't know all the answers about the meaning and purpose of my life, but I have faith, someday, I will.