Friends

Recently, my husband and I were sitting with a group of people talking about the value of friends and how important having strong friendships was. Since then, I have been thinking. What defines a friend or a friendship? Were any of those people discussing the value of friendship my friends? Do I have the kind of friendship(s) we were talking about.
Like most people (I hope), I am married to my best friend. I also have 2 sisters who are more than sisters - they are friends. But outside of family, what defines a friend or a friendship and makes a friend different from an aquaintance? Is it what you do or don't do together? Is it what you share or have shared in the past? Is it common interests? Is it fulfilling a common need? Is it how often you see each other or talk? Does today's instant long distance communication (emails, cell phones social networks) change what friendship is?
Making friends has never been easy for me. I often walk away from meeting someone or even spending a day/evening with someone thinking to myself "I screwed that up. They don't like me". I am not sure why and it drives my husband (and family) crazy, but it's true. As a result, I can walk into a room full of people I have known for weeks, months or even years, and not know who is my friend.
But I do have friends. Some people I call friends are friends from my childhood. These friendships started back when friendship was defined by "She's my friend because she liked the picture I colored" or "because she talked to me at the picnic". They started out simple, innocent and trusting and they grew as we grew. Now decades later I can still chat with these friends on FB or in person as if not a day has gone by. but we don't see each other more than once or twice a decade sometimes. What about people who share a common interest or role? These are the other moms or dads who we chat with at school functions, kids activities, serving in the same program at church and so on. These relationships are not be as "deep" as others so are these friends or acquaintances? Then there are the relationships in between. Some are friends who you see regularly, we talk, share and have things in common who would probably be there if you needed them but we don't socialize. There are also "friends" who I socialize with but I know when the chips are down - they won't be around.
But which of these types of friendships and relationships is the type of friendship we were discussing that evening a while back? We were discussing friendships where you share common beliefs and values, common experiences, common interests, bring out the best in one another, help one another to grow. You are there for one another AND have fun together. The kind of friendships that take time and investment to grow and flourish. I think if I am honest I often find myself looking for these deep friendships instantly - without putting in the time to build them. However, now at 40 something, I also see the importance of have all kinds of friends - friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime.  I am blessed to have my friends. Friends who it's taken me decades to get to know and to let them get to know me and a few new friends who I am just starting to know. Thank you to all my friends <3