My family

My family
2023

Monday, June 17, 2013

Spring - New life, new growth new beginnings

(Note: this post was started in April but I was unable to finish it and post it until June)
My family has been going through a rough season - a harsh winter if you will. We have faced health issues, money issues, growing pains and tragic loses. It's been
hard. At times I have felt sad, angry, frustrated, desperate, alone and even cold. But the great thing about winter is that under all that cold, harsh snow and ice, new life is forming. New growth is taking place. And so it is with my family too.
One of my recent struggles has been with myself. Friends and family have lovingly and kindly told me "I'm worried about you" and "I have been praying for you". I was so surprised by my reaction to this. I smiled and thanked them and told them how much their love and support meant to me and my family, but inside I was mad. At first, I couldn't figure out why I was mad. Then it hit me - I was used to being the "strong one". I was used to doing for others and worrying about others and at least pretending to "have it together". To hear someone say "I'm worried about you" meant 1) I wasn't hiding my pain as much as I wanted to. 2) I needed to admit I needed help and 3) for some reason - pride? stubbornness?? or maybe something else - I felt like I was failing somehow and that made me mad. How crazy is THAT?? Ouch. Another truth to face and another growing pain.
Well, spring has arrived in the region where we live. Flowers are breaking through the soil. Birds are returning and singing. Trees are budding. Sometimes it's warm enough to open window. Other days, the winds are still cold and it's still snowing. There is mud and dirt everywhere. The change of seasons hasn't been easy or pleasant this year and neither have the changes in my heart and in my family. Change is almost always upsetting, messy or painful. Growth hurts sometimes. The truth hurts sometimes.
But here's what I have learned and am still learning. Even though I may feel alone sometimes, I am not. I believe with all my heart that God is always with me, even through pain, fear, worry, and in all my struggles. He allows me to experience my growing pains to allow me to do just that - GROW. From the storms come the rainbows. God can take ALL things, no matter how painful, scary, cold or dark they may seem and make something beautiful out of it. I hang on to that!!! And lastly, I am learning that I am still not who I want to be. I still care too much about what others think of me - maybe more than I care about what I think of myself. I am learning that I need to focus on what God thinks of me - that I am his creation, unique, beautiful and special in a way that he designed and he loves me, even through my growing pains. I need to remind myself  he loves my family too and he's helped us through this rough harsh "winter". He has a plan to make something beautiful out of my family too. I can't wait to see what summer holds!

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