Yesterday, my family and our community woke to learn that a wonderful woman, mother, daughter, friend and devoted teacher/librarian had been senselessly killed and her 10 year old precious daughter a friend to many, a gymnast, a bright student and gentle soul attacked. Yesterday, there were lots of tears and shock. Many of us, as parents were (and still are) struggling with how do we help our children deal with this. This morning I am struggling with how do I deal with this? How do I say goodbye to a friend?
One of the things you don't think about when you sign your kids up for scouts, or a team or a club is how much time you will spend there and the friendships you will make along the way. You know your kids will make friends but you don't think of yourself - or at least I never did. I never thought about how I'd been spend 3 to 9 hours a week, sometimes more with the parents of the other team members. I never thought about the special bond we would share as parents or the friendships that would grow.
And today, one of those friends is gone and her "baby" girl is hurting (While I know her daughter isn't a baby - she's a strong beautiful brave smart loving young lady, to a mom - they are always our "babies".) I am one who like to try to find silver linings in dark storms and see that all things happen for a reason. I can't do it today. I can't.
Music helps me sometimes when I can't find the words. Today I woke up and immediately 3 songs were going through my head. "How can I help you to say goodbye" by Patti Loveless, "I need you now" by Plum, and "Blessings" by Laura Story. The first two give me comfort, help me to cry and give voice to what I am feeling inside. The third is usually a favorite of mine, but today it made me angry. How can there be a blessing in these tear drops? I am not seeing it.
I don't understand, and to be completely honest, I know I never will. But with every tear, every breath I am praying. Praying for a strong little girl who has been through more in her 10 short years than most of us will have to go through in a lifetime. Praying for my daughter who is hurting for her friend. Praying for the hundreds of students who lost teacher and who are worried about a friend. Praying for families who have lost a loved one. Praying for the family of a man who was sick and hurting and had let evil into his heart and mind - how do they come to terms with that?? Praying for finding peace and light and strength in a dark, sad and scary time. That's where my faith come in. My faith gives me hope. Hope that there is good to fight evil; that there can be light in the darkness; that there is a heaven. I guess for me, that's the only way I can say goodbye. I need to hang on to my faith - let it be the life jacket that keeps me from drowning in the dark waves of sadness, anger, worry and fear.
